addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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