Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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