Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
