I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
