I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
