living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
