yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
