I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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