Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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