I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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