Just fell off a train. Bad.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
