Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
