I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
