so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
someone owes me an orgasm
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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