My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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