I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
