i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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