Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
