..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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