I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
