Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
