someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
