i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
