we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The uberlube is also flammable
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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