you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
