just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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