I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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