I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize