Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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