Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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