A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
