All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In America we eat man semen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
