so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
