I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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