It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
