I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
