third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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