Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
