Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
