need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
