I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
