You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
