i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
