Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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