ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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