i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
