She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
