I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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