Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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