I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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