I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
