somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
