time to smoke my breakfast
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
