ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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