sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
