I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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