gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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