I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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