plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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