I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
