The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
