The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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