So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
