So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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