meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
