Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize