Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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