Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
