worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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