First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
