I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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