She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
