big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
