I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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