Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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