I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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