Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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