I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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