lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
